We chanced upon an interesting thread recently. It was a question asked by an internet user, to people in relationships on how they maintained the romantic bliss in their relationships/marriages. It’s a really long thread with tons of useful information, so we decided to read the entire thread and summarise key takeaways into one nifty article, specially for you.
The thread can be found here [Source] : https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6d8zs1/men_of_reddit_what_are_your_tips_for_domestic/
Let’s begin :
- Wait 5-10 minutes to decide if you really care about what you’re going to argue over. Chances are, you only thought you cared.
This is a good tip not just for couples, but for relationships in general. Relationships ultimately boils down to how well you get along with someone. In that 10 minutes, reflect and think about the situation at hand.
Another helpful tip here is to grab some food in that 10 minutes. Sometimes, we are cranky because we’re hungry. As funny as that may seem, it might just work because eating has been shown to release endorphins, or ‘feel good’ triggers from your brain. If you feel better, you act better.
- Give without expecting anything in return
Once in awhile, do the house chores, buy small gifts, surprise them or other small things that you normally wouldn’t. This catches your partner off guard and will put them in a better mood instantly. We might think our partners expect a lot, but chances are it’s the small things that counts and makes them happy.
Importantly, think of it as your contribution to the relationship. You are not expecting anything in return.
- Never, ever say ‘Divorce’ in an argument
This is common sense to some, while it eludes others entirely. The fact that a partner brought this term up in an argument shows that they were thinking of it or were considering the circumstances of a divorce. This is a big NO.
Often, just saying this word can result in an actual divorce (which is how most divorces begin). If you use this word often, you just might find yourself soon sitting in your divorce lawyer’s office.
- Listen and understand
We rant often. Issues at school, work, or relationships with friends and family never go as planned. When your partner does this, listen and understand the problem they’re facing. Give advice if possible. If not, simply listening can also help a great deal. Your partner is their own person, so give them some space to solve their problems on their own.
Men often go into ‘problem-solving mode’ at every complaint by their partner. Do not try to solve every single problem. Your partner might just need a listening ear, not a solution.
- Try not to spend every second of every day together
Make sure you both have some alone time, and you’ll value the time you do have together more. As a user said it best : “You can’t miss someone if they’re never gone.”
Your partner is not a mind reader. If something is bothering you, or you have lingering thoughts, talk it out. If you don’t bring it up while you’re ok, you’ll be more likely to bring it up in an argument, at which point the anger and frustration could cloud your judgement and you’ll be less likely to think and act rationally.
Don’t let problems die out. Talk it out within a couple of days if possible. Talking about problems or potential problems is not an admission of failure.
Don’t take it personally when something out of your control affects her. It’s out of your control, there isn’t much you could’ve done about it anyway. And for men, do not be afraid to be emotionally vulnerable. Expressing your emotions gives your partner a sense of what you’re thinking and feeling. It makes you more human.
Give compliments before you are prompted. If you think your partner looks good that day, tell them. Don’t keep it to yourself. I’m sure you like it too when someone tells you you’re “looking sharp?”
- Don’t take your partner for granted
It’s not easy to do this when you see them very often. Try to imagine life without them.
- Ask for Opinions
This kind of goes along with listening. Take time, especially if it involves two people and get his/her opinion. Start with something like “i think we should do x. What do you think?” Instead of insisting that it should be done your way. Often, your partner might bring up a point that you might not have considered. This has unfortunately happened to me multiple times that i’m starting to doubt my judgements.
- Happy wife = Happy life
Applies to both husbands and wives. Try your best to make everyday a good one for your partner. Also, inside jokes apparently have a long shelf life and keeps the chemistry and ‘spark’ alive between the two of you.
- Keep separate savings accounts
This can be subjective and differs from couple to couple due to differing relationship dynamics, chemistry and circumstances. However, a lot of people agree that having separate accounts has an advantage because it gives each person the freedom to spend on whatever they’d like. However, remember to be honest and open about your spending. For emergencies, that’s where the shared or joint account comes into play.
- Simply being there
A lot of women just want someone to be there to listen to their stories or rants. You do not have to solve their problems for them, or even give advice. They just need someone to listen to them express their feelings, and for someone to understand them. Help only when help is needed or requested.
On this point, support her ambitions and interests as well. Let her do things without interruptions.
Don’t act like she’s dependent. She’s independent. She’s her own person. She can solve her problems and get work done on her own. Let her know you’re willing to help, but if she wants to do it herself, let her do it. This is part of being supportive and contributes greatly to the relationship.