‘Divorce” is a relatively negative word that couples do not want to associate with. It has a bad undertone to it, and people are generally afraid that it may change others’ perceptions of themselves. It also makes the person undergoing it feel terrible, especially when they start doubting and questioning the things in their life.
Divorce as we know, can be very expensive. It also affects an individual mentally and emotionally. But there is a cost to everything. So if you are able to brave yourself through it, i.e bear these costs, you are putting yourself in a position to come out from it as a better, emotionally stronger person. This is the reward, or what you are getting after ‘paying’ for the costs of the divorce.
So how can divorce actually change you for the better? It’s argued that it’s mostly a state of mind. You have to shift your mind away from the negative connotations associated with divorce, and focus on reinforcing positive beliefs about how it can actually be better for you.
Divorce being better for me? How?
Well, some of the positive outcomes of divorce are :
- It can give you the courage to pursue your ambitions
- You can get out of an unhealthy marriage
- It makes you look for more meaning in the things in your life
- You might stop looking at others for happiness, and realise that happiness comes from within. Happiness is a state of mind
- You command a higher level of respect, because you no longer allow yourself to be treated poorly by others
- You learn to take care of yourself, while realising your potential. You might discover your strengths and things about yourself you may not have known
- Greater strength to overcome other obstacles in life. Divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. But once you make it through, you can overcome anything
So by looking at the positive side of this unfavourable situation, you are doing better than most people who are going through it, and are one step closer to moving forward with your life.
- Courage to pursue your ambitions
Maybe you couldn’t have done something you’ve always wanted because marriage and children came first. Now though, no one is stopping you from going after what you really want.
By being on your own, you are now more free to explore your options and do the things you couldn’t while married. Think of it as an opportunity for you to hit the ‘reset’ button on your life.
- Getting out of an unhealthy marriage
Maybe you were treated poorly in the marriage, or you had to deal with numerous problems on a regular basis. All this affects your mood and ultimately, your health. Being in a good environment is vital to your mental and physical well being, and by getting out of toxic relationships, you are able to put yourself in a better position to start afresh and lead a happier life.
Because you are going through a really tough period, you tend to be more empathetic towards others. You know how it feels to be in an emotional mess, and can better relate to others in a similar situation.
There are people who automatically ‘switch off’ their emotional sensors, so that they don’t get caught up in the drama and chaos of others. But as someone who had gone through, or are going through a difficult period yourself, you tend to feel the other person’s feelings as well.
- Sense of Self
I could not put it any better than these women :
“I learnt to let people speak their mind, and to not bottle up their feelings. Sometimes what they say is not what you wanted to hear, but it’s essential that you know so you can work on a solution”
“After my divorce, my tolerance for bulls**t has dropped to an all-time low. I became more assertive and will not hesitate to turn my back on situations i don’t want to deal with.”
“At the end of the day, I only have myself. And if i don’t take care of myself, no one else will.”
“I’m more aware of what I want out of life and how a partner would fit into that, rather than how I fit around a partner.”
The last statement really struck me, because sometimes in life we have to put ourselves first instead of adapting to others.
Nonetheless, these are powerful statements from strong women who made it through their divorces. It can give you a sense of liberation, and freedom that previously was not possible.
Anyone who has been in a meaningful relationship knows that compromises have to be made for it to work. Even couples who are deeply in love have arguments. It’s inevitable.
Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. So how we manage these conflicts makes all the difference.
It’s quite ironic, because the whole point of being in a romantic relationship is so the people involved are happy.
Like i mentioned in the beginning, there is a negative stigma associated with divorce. People are afraid of what their family and friends might say, and how their divorce can influence other aspects of their lives. This can cause people to stay in unhealthy marriages to save face, or to avoid the fear and uncertainty.
But if someone is feeling unhappy all the time, it starts to affect their behaviors and attitudes, and that can harm their social and professional life. No one should force themselves to be in a relationship.
Looking at the big picture, there are times when divorce is actually better off for everyone. But this depends on the individual’s situation and should be thought about carefully without making any rash decisions or letting other factors like friends influence their decisions. Only you know what’s best for yourself.
But for those going through a divorce, remember that when you are at your lowest, there is nowhere to go but upwards. Life after divorce is what you make of it, and happiness is a state of mind. Give yourself a chance to be happy.
Lastly, divorce does not mean failure. It can very well be the push you need to live a better, more meaningful life.