Divorce is a scary and jarring event in a person’s life. It is often the result of unhappiness, disappointment and trust issues between couples. It can take months or even years to consider and set their mind on getting divorced, and months and years after that to finalize the separation. But after all that legal and emotional hurdles, it is time to get your life back on track.
One of the aspects of life after divorce is dating. Unless someone has been so scarred and damaged from their previous relationship, most people will come to a point after the divorce where they are ready to start dating. They’ve enjoyed their time being single after the divorce, and are looking to start a new relationship that will hopefully last a lifetime.
You might wonder how long someone might have to wait before starting to date again. The truth is, it depends and there is no set answer. Some people are comfortable dating again after just a few months, while others take years to instill their trust in someone else. How long your ‘recovery’ period lasts does not matter. What matters most is that you are happy in life, and are looking forward to what the future has in store. Welcoming a new person into your life, especially after divorce, is a big step to take. Divorces are emotionally devastating and there is a chance it could happen again in a new relationship. Take your time. There is no point being unhappy trying to look for someone to date because of family or societal pressure. Being unhappy and looking for a partner to please those around you is a recipe for disaster.
So how do you know whether or not you are ready?
Well there are a few key indicators :
- You are emotionally and psychologically ready
Being ready to date means being in the right mindset. You are ready to go out and meet people, and are open to conversations and going out. Often, this means you have a good attitude moving forward. You are positive and optimistic about meeting others, and are keen and excited to do so. This could also mean that you are moving on with your life, and have broken out of the emotional hurricane that once absorbed you.
- You already know what you want
This is important because you want to avoid making the same mistakes in the past relationship. This does not mean you are at fault for the failure of the past relationship. It means you know the type of people and attitudes to avoid, which were contributing factors to the divorce.
You might have previously been more attracted to cocky and lofty men. While being cocky is not the best trait to have, women tend to be attracted to them, according to this article and this study from the University of Queensland.
For men, you might have previously been attracted to a certain type of women (ambitious, workaholic, etc.)
But now, you know better and to avoid these types of people. The cocky character might have been the cause of him constantly flirting with other women, and the workaholic lady might have been the cause of arguments due to not being able to spend time with the family.
You have learned from your mistakes, and now know exactly what you want and what to look for in a person.
- You are interested
You can’t be successful in dating if you weren’t even interested in the first place. Having interest is the driving factor that keeps you motivated to always meet new people. When someone wants to introduce you to another person, you are always in the yes mood. You are open to new possibilities and experiences. Having interest in dating is key because the hardest step is always the first. Interest will get you past that and make the rest of the journey easier.
There is no hard and fast rule on dating after divorce, but your new or potential partner should definitely be aware of your past. This can help them manage expectations and understand things from your point of view. Ultimately, the decision lies with you. This is not a choice others can make for you. Some even argue that the longer you wait, the more ‘rusty’ you’ll be. But i argue that if you might fare off worse and scare off potential partners when your emotions are not stabilized, and you have not moved on from your past marriage.
There are even warnings against the types of guys women should not date after a divorce. But honestly, the dating interval after a divorce and the type of people to meet are all subjective and personal. These are tips and guidelines, but is unique to everyone. If you find someone you really like and most importantly has proven to be trustworthy (in terms of their actions) then by all means, go ahead and i wish you the very best.