An affair is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage. It is also one of the main reasons for divorce in Singapore. It ruins lives and marriages that took years to build. It can also leave people in financial pits as they part with their assets and give up the luxuries in life that they once enjoyed such as cars, gifts and going on holidays.
So if you discovered an affair in your marriage, what should you do? While a lot of people might rush into unleashing your wrath on their cheating partner, it is better to be proper, and think carefully and be strategic with your approach. Do not say things in anger that you can never take back. Shouting or using harsh words can also drive your spouse away, and damage the relationship even more.
This might make them resent you, which will in turn make them regret their actions lesser and they won’t feel as bad as they should be. Unless your goal is to have a bitter contested divorce, this is not the way to do things. Instead, your partner should feel terrible that they made a grave mistake and are sincerely asking for your forgiveness.
Getting your partner to feel remorseful and apologetic requires an honest and open communication. It requires talking and asking the right questions to get to the root of the problem. Your partner cheated for a reason, which may or may not be clear to you. For example, some men cheat because their wives are constantly turning down their request for sex.
Getting to the real reasons behind the affair takes time. Generally, the cheating spouse will not have a very good answer as to why they did it. It requires talking so that each partner knows what went wrong in the relationship. Keep in mind that although your partner cheated, part of the blame could be on you for doing something they dislike.
It’s hard to accept part of the blame, which is why you have to look at things from your partner’s point of view. It can give you a better perspective and maybe understand his/her situation and sentiments.
Next, do not initiate contact with the 3rd party. Why? This is to protect you more than it is to protect them. When you initiate contact with the person your spouse has been unfaithful with, chances are you won’t be very nice to them. You might send them a nasty text or shame them on social media. While this will make you feel better because you ‘showed them’, it can have serious repercussions. Your threatening texts can be reported to the police, and your online posts shaming them can result in a defamation suit brought against you. These are huge hassles to deal with, and not to mention expensive if divorce lawyers in Singapore are involved. On top of all this, you still have to deal with your cheating spouse.
So while you feel outraged or furious at this 3rd party, try your best to refrain from doing something you might regret. Especially when it comes to men, they might want to physically hurt the other person. Getting involved with the police and charged by the courts is a huge burden.
Lastly, if you can find it in yourself to forgive your partner, then i applaud you for that. It takes a lot of courage and heart to do it. Rebuilding the trust undoubtedly takes years, but it could be the start of an even stronger relationship now that you and your partner have identified the issues in the marriage.
Another positive note is that your partner was close to losing you, and will now be more careful and cautious about their actions, as they value the relationship with you even more now.