If I were to ask you who you would ask for divorce advice, who would be the first person or profession you would think of?
I asked this question to 10 people, and 7 of them answered marriage counsellors. The other 3 paused for a bit and said they’d ask people who have experienced divorce for advice. While there’s no right or wrong answer here because everyone has different beliefs, i think we are missing one very important group of people.
Who better to offer marriage and divorce advice than those who contend with it every single day? While the same can be argued for marriage counsellors, i feel that divorce lawyers go one step further by being able to provide a the legal ramifications of divorce comprehensively. This means that you are able to understand the whole idea of the divorce, from all angles.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t visit marriage counsellors. Not at all. What I am trying to bring across is the fact that people sometimes forget, that divorce lawyers are also highly qualified to give you some guidance on marriage and divorce. They face it every single day. And I know for a fact that counselling is not for everyone. Some couples are convinced that it doesn’t help, while others say it makes them feel awkward.
So in my view, counsellors are for those who are having a rough patch in their relationships. It gives them a chance to try and resolve the issues they are having. Family or divorce lawyers on the other hand, are for those who are dead set on leaving their partner. There are couples who just cannot see a future in their current relationship and are looking to call it quits.
So divorce or family lawyers are in fact another source they can tap into. Of course, lawyers are not cheap. Some charge a few hundred dollars just for an hour’s consultation. The good news is, there are divorce lawyers in Singapore who offer free consultations. And there are tremendous benefits to this as we have talked about previously.
That being said, let’s look at some pieces of advice given by divorce lawyers :
“Be sensible with social media. Social media can be a hazardous distraction. Broadcasting the details (good or bad) of your relationship is a recipe for disaster.”
This piece of advice is consistent with research studies. According to the Prudential Relationship Index, 28% of couples in Singapore fight over the time spent on computers and phones. While amount of time spent on technology is one thing, how it’s being used is another issue.
A lot of us love sharing details of our lives on social media. Posting updates of what we are doing and keeping up with stories from friends are a norm. The problem is, some parts of our lives are better kept private.
Suppose you had a big argument with your partner. Would you like it if they published it on social media, for their friends and family to know? Most of us wouldn’t want that. Unfortunately, this is what happens. When personal relationship problems are being published for the world to see, there are bound to be people who will add fuel to the flame.
This doesn’t mean you should stop using social media. What i’m saying is, be sensible. Be rational and smart about it. Don’t post updates in a fit of rage. Allow yourself to calm down and think things through.
While not related to divorce, I don’t have to remind you of the number of times people got into trouble for posting careless updates on social media.
“Always have an emergency plan, like you own credit card and savings – because you never know when you’ll have to use it.”
As Singaporeans, we are known to be a bunch of kiasu people. However, there are a few instances in life where being kiasu can help you tremendously. This is one of those times.
By having a backup plan ready, you are planning ahead and may not have to succumb to undesirable situations should anything happen. When people are not prepared and are suddenly ‘thrown into the sea’, they start to cling on to whatever is nearby or convenient without thinking properly.
When you are suddenly caught in an unfavourable situation (like an impending divorce), you tend to panic and only then do you start thinking about finances, living arrangements, etc.
If you have all these laid out early on, you’ll have more time to think and prepare for other matters. Just small things like having your own bank account and savings can help you. If this seems too much, having a prenup signed can also help.
“Listen to your partner, especially what they say in arguments. Try to see things from their point of view.“
Being a good listener is vital, and yet not many people do it. Seeing things from their point of view helps you to understand why your partner is feeling the way they are, and you might actually sympathize with them.
“Think about your future. Don’t make this divorce all about getting revenge”
Sometimes, what we are fighting for may not be what we actually need. Learn to let go, and think of what it means for you and your children’s future. Getting revenge can be an endless cycle. You fight to get every possible thing from your partner, only for him or her to find ways to get back at you afterwards.
Like we mentioned numerous times before, find a way to work things out amicably. Think of what you are fighting for in terms of your future. Ask yourself, how what you are fighting for will affect your life after divorce.
“Don’t risk everything you have just to save some money”
Ok, I know that this is a touchy topic. But ‘cheapest divorce lawyer in singapore’ is a highly searched term on search engines here. I fully understand that divorce and lawyers are expensive, so people are looking at ways to save money when they can. Believe me, I would definitely do the same thing.
The problem lies when the person in a divorce has children, and significant assets involved. While the goal is to save money, do not risk your children’s future doing it. Experienced divorce lawyers may cost more, but they pay off in the long run. The extra money that you spend may give you a better shot at securing custody of your children, and assets.