Problems in marriage happen over a period of time. They don’t appear out of nowhere. Often, couples might see the problem approaching, but because it looks like a small problem, they shrug it off.
Small problems, if not acknowledged and rectified, can escalate into bigger problems which can cause irreversible damage to the relationship. Couples who face problems also tend to solve it themselves, as opposed to seeking professional help. This leads to them filing for divorce without seeking proper guidance to attempt to solve their marital issues. Below are some common signs that a marriage is in trouble. Do note that these are just signs to work on the marriage, and not surefire indicators that the marriage is failing.
1.Spending less time together
If you find yourself repeatedly, over a period of time trying to spend as little time as possible with your significant other, or you feel relieved that you avoided being together somewhere with them, then that is a red flag. Of course, not every free moment you have should be spent with them, but you should look forward to spending some time with them consistently. You should want to spend time with them more than other people in your life.
Couples are made up of 2 people who each have their own sets of responsibilities, beliefs, values and life to lead. So there will definitely be some times where you’d rather just be alone.
What some couples do is to do the activity separately, but in the same room. They don’t distance themselves apart. So the husband may be watching tv, while the wife might be on her laptop in the same room. Making time to be together and do activities as a couple is essential for a successful marriage.
2. No more Intimacy
This is one of the stronger signals that the marriage is shaky. Couples who are happy often indulge in physical affection every now and then. How often is entirely up to the couple, and there is no one answer for everyone. However, intimacy is still present as the partners are still attracted to and have feelings for each other, and they want to bond.
Couples do have some periods where they have little intimacy. It happens. However, if your partner is not showing much interest in intimacy with you, they are actually showing little concern for having an emotional bond with you. This might be due to an underlying issue they are experiencing, and should be rectified as soon as possible.
It’s common for one partner to have a lower sex drive than the other, but that is not the problem. It becomes a problem when one partner constantly rejects sex. If you look at it another way, they are in a way refusing to address their partner’s needs. Not every single request for sex has to be met, but if you are constantly rejecting it, and your marriage has been sexless for awhile, it can get really frustrating for your partner. After a while, they may stop trying altogether, and look for other ways to satisfy their sexual desires.
This is where a potential problem is just waiting to happen. If you allow your sexual differences to further segregate you and your partner, you are putting your marriage at risk, while increasing the chances of infidelity happening.
3.Arguing about the same things repeatedly
Every couple has arguments and conflicts. It’s almost impossible to avoid – but that is not the problem. When couples argue about the same thing over and over again, this is a telling sign of trouble ahead. This might be due to a number of reasons, such as not appreciating your partner’s point of view, insisting that you are right and they are wrong, and avoiding the problem (and thus the solution) entirely. The couple is in a conflict cycle instead of actively trying to solve the problem.
When fights occur over and over and about the same issues, it will become very uncomfortable for both the husband and wife as they’ll focus and associate their partner with the source of the argument. This will lead them to spend less time together, avoid real issues in the marriage and will cause bigger problems in the long run.
To add to this, your arguments may get more intense over time. From raising voices at each other, it intensifies to verbal or physical abuse (which is unacceptable). This is one of the consequences of not addressing underlying issues early on when they are still in their infancy.
4.You start to doubt your loyalty
This is a fairly broad point, but what i’m trying to get at is when you start to act like you’re single, it’s a warning sign. People who are in committed relationships have boundaries. While everyone has differing opinions as to what constitutes cheating, a very good way to think about it is this “if you have to hide it from your partner, it’s as good as cheating”.
While this definition is fairly strict, it helps couples stay committed. Another trick is to follow the golden rule : Treat others the way you want to be treated.
If you wouldn’t want your partner doing it, then don’t do it. It takes 2 hands to clap and in this case, work on a successful relationship. Affairs or adultery are a top reason for divorce in Singapore, so the thought of cheating on your partner is a dangerous first step towards a divorce. Cheating also does not solve any marital problems you might have, it only makes things worse. Furthermore, people are more likely to cheat repeatedly after the first time and hiding an extra-marital affair from your partner is not easy. Once your partner finds out, it becomes an entirely new problem on its own.
If your marriage wasn’t in trouble previously, you can be very sure it will be once you have an affair. Take these thoughts of having affairs as a strong signal that you need to work on your marriage. Affairs only worsen the problem, and are not a solution.
The best married couples rarely keep secrets from each other. They know everything there is to know about their partner, and can share information they wouldn’t share with anyone else.
Problems set in not when your partner hides something from you, it’s actually when you find out. This is one of the worse feelings one can experience in a relationship. Finding out something your spouse did or an event in their lives through a third party is undesirable, and the trust is immediately questioned following that.
This is a question of trust and emotional bond. Your partner may be starting to hide things from you because they no longer trust or feel the emotional bond that was once had. As a result, communication suffers and with it, the marriage.
As a final thought, you should get help when things start going downhill. These signs are indicators to help warn you about possible dangers in your marriage, and are not indicators that the marriage has failed. It only fails if you let it, so work on solving these issues while you still can.